SOUTHERN CULTURE
CARS AND DISTANCE
In Houston, distance is measured by how long it takes to drive somewhere. Our reception is located in one of the few areas where several bars, restaurants and theaters are in walking distance of each other. Aside from that, you and your car will be one. If you stay in the areas specified, you shouldn’t need more than the minimum driving time of ten minutes to get anywhere.

PEDESTRIANS
Cars do not stop for pedestrians. This is especially important for West Coast kids to keep in mind. The car always has the right of way. You are nothing. Steel rules.

PARKING
Houston’s greatest gift to the world! You’ll find none of this meter parking nonsense in the Good Ol’ Boy State. Sure downtown has some of those coin crunchers—but that’s only during weekdays. Most businesses have enough parking space for everyone’s very own pollution pod.

WEATHER
HUMID
For women, that means leave the artificial healthy glow make-up behind. You can’t help but look hot in Texas.
UNPREDICTABLE WINTERS
We purposefully chose a winter wedding so the heat won’t kill us. Still, winters in Houston are unpredictable. It could be really hot or really cold. Should the weather channel say it’s “only 50 degrees”, don’t be fooled. The humidity makes those 50 degrees creep deep into your bones. If it says “90 degrees”, imagine 100. So bring layers cause ya never know.
BEWARE OF INDOOR TEMPERATURES
If it’s hot outside, air conditioning will be cranked up. If it’s cold outside, inside may be a sauna. Remember Joe Bar or my apartment in the winter?

SHOULD YOU RUN INTO SOME REAL LIVE TEXANS…
Some guys from Murder City Devils asked me once while looking around a bar, “Is everyone in Houston this big?” Generally speaking, yes. Something in the food seems to make them taller and bigger.

TEXANS ARE VERY FRIENDLY
If a stranger talks to you, talk back—usually all they want is some quick easy conversation.

SPECIAL NOTE FOR WOMEN

LADIES FIRST
Men in Texas wait for women to exit elevators, rooms, anything before they do. So to keep traffic flowing, always go first. I was once crammed in the very back of an elevator filled with ten suits. When we reached the ground floor, the men smushed each other to either side of the elevator so I could leave first. I was quite surprised since this was obviously not the most time efficient manner to exit an elevator. But when I looked up and noticed all of these men looking down at me waiting for my move, I realized that none of us would ever get out until I did. Very cool.

CATCALLS
Some men still whistle and yell at the sight of a woman. I don’t even think it matters what the woman looks like. In fact, a few times they’ve mistaken some male friends of mine for a woman. I’ve tried yelling back and throwing some insults, but the men seem like Pavlov experiments with the practice so ingrained that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. So if it’s a nice catcall accept it as a compliment, otherwise, just take note and write about this dying tradition in a best selling novel.

DRINKS ON THE HOUSE
If a man offers you a drink, you can accept it under no conversation obligations. I don’t understand it, but guys I guess factor their drinks as gambling losses—cause ya never know, sometimes a drink scores!

CAUTION SEATTLE AND PORTLANDITES

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS WITH STRANGERS!
DO NOT WALK AROUND LATE AT NIGHT ALONE!
As friendly as Texans are, they are not innocent. It is a large city, act accordingly. Remember Texans like guns. Not that this should scare anyone—during my 20 years of living there, I’ve only guns directed at me twice—once when some high school seniors and I were taking our freshmen out along Westheimer in the back of a pick-up truck. Some guys started making catcalls at them. Unaware of the gun they were waving, we yelled back and raced away like a pair of Duke boys. The second time was with some cops when my friend Angela and I accidentally walked into the middle of a drug bust.